CHINA – Front-runner for the Democratic Primary race, Vice President Joe Biden, has received the full support of viral front-runner COVID-19, commonly known as The Coronavirus.
During a press conference in Bejing, China, global pandemic hopeful Coronavirus referred to U.S. presidential candidate Biden as “the true cure for all things Donald Trump” and said it would do its best to wipe out half if not all of Donald Trump’s supporters over the next three months.” When asked how, Coronavirus responded, “You’ll see.”
Coronavirus also said that it had “high hopes” for the former vice president if he continued to talk in word salads and promote ancient ideas like segregation, state-sanctioned murder and anti-abortion rights.
“We view the act of dividing communities as a human right and welcome all means of genocide as it allows us to grow stronger as a species”
Coronavirus was quick to assert their role as a major player in human depopulation as their death toll breaches the 4300 mark.
“We view dividing communities as a human right and welcome all means of genocide as it allows us to grow stronger as a species,” a Coronavirus spokesman said, adding that “all forms of population control are fully endorsed” by its constituents. It also was sure to point out that “despite the fact that we welcome abortions in order to facilitate our dominance, pro-lifers ensure that the more people that are born, the more food we have” as it waved goodbye to ardent supporters snapping phone photos and tweeting about the event.
Protesters at the conference had not gone unnoticed, however. One man holding a sign that read “Corona No! You Got To Go!” was interviewed shortly afterwards, stating, “I’m not sure we’re doing any good, but I know that my dad didn’t fight in the war to be told what to do by a bunch of idiots,” and was escorted out by security guards after his outburst during The Coronavirus’ statement.
Coronavirus took no questions from the press despite it being a press conference, and insisted “there’s nothing you can do, we are in control now.”
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